somehow, amazingly, i have hacked the impulse that makes me mindlessly scroll on my phone. it’s not gone but i’ve paired it with a conscious thought process that goes like, “what’s my goal here? i’m looking for entertainment, for information, for something that makes me feel more optimistic and interested in the world i live in…”
and because that kicks in between apps, too, i’m not doomscrolling as much. i’m intentionally seeking out posts or videos or whatever that actually mean something to me. when i’m not satisfied i walk away or pick up a book instead. most subtle yet impactful change i’ve gone through in years
i did not intentionally set out to change this. i’ve just been working on my mindset in general. hey, turns out having a good therapist again helps
thank you to everyone who has liked this post for reminding me to keep up the habit. just caught myself doomscrolling and remembered i have a nice podcast i could be listening to instead
(seriously so many days i’m like “i have all afternoon I’ma Do a Thing” and then i just kinda buzz around and do Nothing and think “WHY” and then i’m like “oh yeah i’m really fuckening tired”)
-gotta be Excited About It (ADHD brain only does things if they’re Literally the Most Interesting Thing Happening Right Now) (so like, hype yourself up to work on a project, or think about how happy you’ll be with a cleaner room/all those chores done)
-gotta have small, doable first step (like, “get cloth from fabric drawer” or “open google docs”
-FUCK distractions (computer is in drawer, phone is Off)
-Engage the Senses (if task needs Brain, play vague background Music, if task needs No Brain, listen to audiobook/podcast)
-maybe set time limit so i don’t get lost??? e.g. i have a little egg timer that i use because the ticking isn’t distracting but is enough to remind me that Time is a Thing that is Passing Right Now
-gotta have Self Awareness and Thinky about the Moment (get into the habit of Consciously Noticing what you’re doing at the moment, so you’re more likely to go “wait, this isn’t what i wanted to be doing” and be able to redirect)
-be willing to redirect and try to do something else if whatever you want to do Just Isn’t Happening
-DON’T beat yourself up for only doing part of something, or failing entirely- all that does is make your brain associate “trying to do stuff” with “well that SUCKED”. Which means you don’t want to try again. Tell urself u did good for trying, and if it didn’t work, try again later, or figure out why it didn’t work and try a different way. Reward yourself for trying
this is what i’ve figured out about cajoling the Thinky No Worky Brain into Doing Stuff. it’s not 100% reliable, especially if I forget to do some of these things (like SLEEP), but it’s what i got, ya know??
Lmfao as a religious trauma survivor and a product of Christian fundie indoctrination myself I am in full support of calling fandom wank “purity culture” and the use of the word “puriteen” as well actually.
It perfectly encompasses what purity culture was. It wasn’t just about “no sex before marriage”; it policed every fucking thing you did and forced you to walk on eggshells your entire life so your Magical Sky Daddy didn’t clutch His heavenly pearls at your naughty behaviours.
Holding hands with someone you weren’t married to? Gateway to sin. Making eyes at someone of the opposite sex? Gateway to sin. Thinking “impure” thoughts about someone else? Thoughtcrime Gateway to sin. Wearing the “wrong” type of clothes? Listening to the “wrong” kind of music? Having the “wrong” sort of values? Enjoying the “wrong” kind of media? All of it was seen as a stepping stone toward being a sinful godless heathen (and to some people it was essentially just as bad).
And it wasn’t enough to just avoid BadWrong Behaviours, either. In my ex-community you were expected to express your disapproval of it and be well versed in the theological how’s and whys. Does any of that sound familiar?
Purity culture at its core is so much more than “wear this purity ring and pinky promise to Jesus that you’ll never have sex until you’re married” and if you didn’t realise that while you were there you weren’t paying attention.
KOKOBOT - The Airbnb-Owned Tech Startup - Data Mining Tumblr Users’ Mental Health Crises for “Content”
I got this message from a bot, and honestly? If I was a bit younger and not such a jaded bitch with a career in tech, I might have given it an honest try. I spent plenty of time in a tough situation without access to any mental health resources as a teen, and would have been sucked right in.
Chatting right from your phone, and being connected with people who can help you? Sounds nice. Especially if you believe the testimonials they spam you with (tw suicide / self harm mention in below images)
But I was getting a weird feeling, so I went to read the legalese.
I couldn’t even get through the fine-print it asked me to read and agree to, without it spamming the hell out of me. Almost like they expect people to just hit Yes? But I’m glad I stopped to read, because:
What you say on there won’t be confidential. (And for context, I tried it out and the things people were looking for help with? I didn’t even feel comfortable sharing here as examples, it was all so deeply personal and painful)
Also, what you say on there? Is now…
Koko’s intellectual property - giving them the right to use it in any way they see fit, including
Publicly performing or displaying your “content” (also known as your mental health crisis) in any media format and in any media channel without limitation
Do this indefinitely after you end your account with them
Sell / share this “content” with other businesses
Any harm you come to using Koko? That’s on you.
And Koko won’t take responsibility for anything someone says to you on there (which is bleak when people are using it to spread Christianity to people in crisis)
They also use the data they gather from users to conduct research and publish papers. I didn’t find them too interesting - other than as a good case study of “People tend to find what they are financially incentivized to find”. Predictably, Koko found that Kokobot was beneficial to its users.
So yeah, being a dumbass with too much curiosity, I decided to use the Airbnb-owned Data-Mining Mental Health Chatline anyway. And if you thought it was dangerous sounding from the disclaimers? Somehow it got worse.
(trigger warning / discussions of child abuse / sexual abuse / suicide / violence below the cut - please don’t read if you’re not in a good place to hear about negligence around pretty horrific topics.)
There are young people on tumblr that actively seek support from KokoBot right now, if you check the tag for recent posts. Those people did not get paid to promote it, so do not harrass them. If you can, direct them towards resources about Kokobot (like this post) that are more transparent about what this company is up to.
